The Journey Continues...

When I started this blog, my intention was to use it to chronicle my trip to Paris. I didn’t know what I’d do with it when I came back – I honestly hadn’t given it a lot of thought. I guess I thought that the journey would end once I came home. That’s not exactly what happened, though. In many ways, the journey is just beginning.

I can’t remember who I’ve told and who I haven’t – there are a whole lot of you – so I’ll just drop the bomb here: I’m going back. Yep. I’m going back to Paris - for a while this time. I’m hoping to find a short-term internship/project/thing to get involved with for about six months.

I imagine this will raise a lot of questions. And the answer to nearly all of them is: Je ne sais pas. I don’t know. The other answers are:
· No, I don’t speak French, but I’m learning.
· Yes, I will have health insurance before I leave the country.
· Yes, I understand this sounds insane.
· Yes, you can come visit, and if I have a home, you can even stay there.
· No, I can’t estimate how much the cell phone bill will be.
· Yes, I have Skype. See above.
· Yes, I truly believe that this is what God is asking me to do.

Sound crazy? It feels crazy. It feels very out of control. Fortunately God is bigger than my little human-sized brain understands. Maybe sharing the story will help to shed some light on how I’ve come to this decision.

I was intrigued by the idea of doing missions in Europe ever since I heard people around Woodcrest talk about it. It connected with my background of growing up in an ineffective church and walking away from it – and now wanting to help break that trend. Maybe I just figured it would be a convenient excuse to travel. I don’t know.

I had the opportunity to go on one of these trips in September. I wish I could put into words what I felt and experienced there, but I don’t think those words exist. I felt it the instant I walked out of the Metro station the first day we were there. It felt like home – like I could live there. That’s an experience that’ll screw up your head – going to a foreign city and instead of thinking about going to see the Eiffel Tower you start thinking about moving across an ocean.

I remember talking about coming back home, and all I wanted to do was to scream “No! I’m not ready to leave!” I didn’t say anything, because, really, the whole thing is a little strange. I mean, seriously – that’s just this side of crazy. Normal people don’t go someplace for ten days, feel a connection, and then plan to move there. But then again, I wouldn’t consider myself normal.

I’ve often prayed for what breaks God’s heart to break my own heart. I think that happened there. There was a heaviness that I could feel. I can’t explain it. There was a sense of loneliness and hopelessness that seemed to just hang in the air. You could see it in people’s eyes. Maybe I felt it and saw it because it’s a part of my story. I’ve been down that road – the road of wanting to do life on my own, of choosing not to need other people, and of trying to live without a relationship with God. Been there, done that. I get it. But God got a hold of me and changed my life – and He used regular people to do it. Maybe now it’s my turn to be one of those people.

Looking back, I can see God’s fingerprints on this whole thing. I never really wanted to go back to church, and yet God put me at Woodcrest. There aren’t a lot of churches that do missions work in Western Europe, and yet I ended up at one. Hundreds of people could have gone on the trip, and yet I got to go. The cost of a trip like that is quite high, and yet, through some very generous gifts and a sweet tax return, I only had to save around $100. We went during our busy season at work, and yet I was allowed to take vacation.

I don’t believe in coincidences, but even if I did, I doubt I could chalk all of that up to sheer coincidence.

So there you have it. I’m going to Paris – eventually. It’s a little scary to say it out loud – or to post it online for everyone and their cousin’s uncle to read – because the reality is that it might never happen. I guess at this point that’s a risk I’m willing to take.