The Journey Continues...

When I started this blog, my intention was to use it to chronicle my trip to Paris. I didn’t know what I’d do with it when I came back – I honestly hadn’t given it a lot of thought. I guess I thought that the journey would end once I came home. That’s not exactly what happened, though. In many ways, the journey is just beginning.

I can’t remember who I’ve told and who I haven’t – there are a whole lot of you – so I’ll just drop the bomb here: I’m going back. Yep. I’m going back to Paris - for a while this time. I’m hoping to find a short-term internship/project/thing to get involved with for about six months.

I imagine this will raise a lot of questions. And the answer to nearly all of them is: Je ne sais pas. I don’t know. The other answers are:
· No, I don’t speak French, but I’m learning.
· Yes, I will have health insurance before I leave the country.
· Yes, I understand this sounds insane.
· Yes, you can come visit, and if I have a home, you can even stay there.
· No, I can’t estimate how much the cell phone bill will be.
· Yes, I have Skype. See above.
· Yes, I truly believe that this is what God is asking me to do.

Sound crazy? It feels crazy. It feels very out of control. Fortunately God is bigger than my little human-sized brain understands. Maybe sharing the story will help to shed some light on how I’ve come to this decision.

I was intrigued by the idea of doing missions in Europe ever since I heard people around Woodcrest talk about it. It connected with my background of growing up in an ineffective church and walking away from it – and now wanting to help break that trend. Maybe I just figured it would be a convenient excuse to travel. I don’t know.

I had the opportunity to go on one of these trips in September. I wish I could put into words what I felt and experienced there, but I don’t think those words exist. I felt it the instant I walked out of the Metro station the first day we were there. It felt like home – like I could live there. That’s an experience that’ll screw up your head – going to a foreign city and instead of thinking about going to see the Eiffel Tower you start thinking about moving across an ocean.

I remember talking about coming back home, and all I wanted to do was to scream “No! I’m not ready to leave!” I didn’t say anything, because, really, the whole thing is a little strange. I mean, seriously – that’s just this side of crazy. Normal people don’t go someplace for ten days, feel a connection, and then plan to move there. But then again, I wouldn’t consider myself normal.

I’ve often prayed for what breaks God’s heart to break my own heart. I think that happened there. There was a heaviness that I could feel. I can’t explain it. There was a sense of loneliness and hopelessness that seemed to just hang in the air. You could see it in people’s eyes. Maybe I felt it and saw it because it’s a part of my story. I’ve been down that road – the road of wanting to do life on my own, of choosing not to need other people, and of trying to live without a relationship with God. Been there, done that. I get it. But God got a hold of me and changed my life – and He used regular people to do it. Maybe now it’s my turn to be one of those people.

Looking back, I can see God’s fingerprints on this whole thing. I never really wanted to go back to church, and yet God put me at Woodcrest. There aren’t a lot of churches that do missions work in Western Europe, and yet I ended up at one. Hundreds of people could have gone on the trip, and yet I got to go. The cost of a trip like that is quite high, and yet, through some very generous gifts and a sweet tax return, I only had to save around $100. We went during our busy season at work, and yet I was allowed to take vacation.

I don’t believe in coincidences, but even if I did, I doubt I could chalk all of that up to sheer coincidence.

So there you have it. I’m going to Paris – eventually. It’s a little scary to say it out loud – or to post it online for everyone and their cousin’s uncle to read – because the reality is that it might never happen. I guess at this point that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Final Things

Well, it's Saturday night. We leave tomorrow morning. I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I'm ready to see friends and family and get back to the life I left behind. On the other hand, this has been an amazing experience. I'm never ready to let go of amazing experiences. So, I'm torn emotionally.
I do know this much: While God wants us to enjoy the experiences, He grows us in the implementation. Discovery without application is nothing more than temporary pleasure. This trip had meaning in and of itself; however, I think the real journey will begin once I get home. There's a lot that I still need to process. I don't know how exactly I've changed; I just know I'm not the same. Clarity would be nice, but I have faith that it will come.
I guess my greatest fear is that I'll have some clarity and that it will soon fade. I think that's a problem that we all face. We get excited about making a change in our lives. It lasts for a while, but then it gets hard and we revert back to our comfortable old habits. I know that's the case in my life.
One of the take-away messages is that of valuing people over things. I want to make that a priority in my life and see what that could look like. There are other pieces to this puzzle, however. I just don't know what they all are.
This has been such an incredible journey. I am so blessed to have had this experience - not just to spend time in Paris enjoying the city and seeing what life and church are like here, but also to get to know this amazing group of women even better. I wouldn't trade this opportunity for anything in the world. God is so good. I want to find rest in that.
Au revoir from Paris. I can't wait to see you all and share this journey with you face-to-face. See you soon!

Things and People

I've been in awe of how beautiful things are here. I'm sure you're aware of that - it's kind of been a theme. I spent part of the day today sitting in the garden in front of the Louvre and walking along the Seine. Not a bad way to spend a Friday afternoon. I've been thinking a lot about how pretty it is here and how much the French seem to value beauty. It's not something I can relate to very well. I usually don't take the time to really enjoy what I'm looking at back home. I don't think a lot of us do. But it's not just taking the time - it's also the value placed on the appearance of things. Back home, we tend to want things that are convenient and efficient. We build wide, ugly roads so that more cars can fit. We build massive, hideous buildings because it's cheaper and quicker than making them look pretty. We just seem to value different things. I don't know if one way is better than the other; I can just see that there are other ways of doing things. At the very least, I'll never be able to look at Wal-Mart quite the same way.

Here's where I spent my day:

As you can see, I discovered the black and white setting on my camera. The building is the Musee d'Orsay.

Anyway, as I was sitting in the midst of all of this, I was processing why I was so enthralled with what I saw - and why it really mattered. The truth is, while I've been fascinated by the extreme beauty I've seen, I've been wondering about the whole story. What does all of this mean? Where is God in any of this?

The reality, of course, is that it's all His creation, whether or not anyone is willing to recognize and accept that. Regardless of what is believed, He is still always present. Maybe this is His way of reaching out to those who live here. I don't know.

But for a few moments this afternoon, I believe I had a glimpse into God's perspective. The beauty of the things around us isn't what matters. The difference between here and home is where we place our value. As beautiful as things are, I don't want to spend my life focusing on things. I want to value people. It seems obvious but that's the piece that I've been missing. I never realize how closed my eyes really are until God opens them. It was as if He was telling me that while He wants us to appreciate and value the things that He's created, He really wants us to focus on the people that He's created. It's amazing how simple that sounds, and it's a little embarrassing that it took a trip across the ocean for me to get it. But, I guess sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zones in order to see things in a different way. To me, that's the real difference between cultures with God and cultures without God. I'd much rather see the value and beauty in a friend than in a river or a garden. I'd rather discuss faith than art. I'd rather spend my time in an ugly restaurant having a real conversation with someone I love than spend my time in a pretty little park discussing only superficial things. Yes, this trip has certainly changed me. My perspective has shifted. My prayer is that I'll never forget these lessons and that I'll make them a priority. If that's all I can take home with me, then this trip will have been more than worth it.

The Plans He Has...

It's Thursday night, which means that we only have two more days here. It seems like we've been here a really long time, but I'm not quite ready for it to end yet. We spent the day at Versailles today. We got to see the palace and the home of Marie Antionette. The homes were cool, but the gardens were beyond amazing. I think there are around 250 acres of gardens. They're all immaculate. The trees are all sculpted, and there are tons of flowers - it's absolutely beautiful. I took a ton of pictures, but my photo software has chosen not to work properly right now, so I can't upload anything.

Marie met us for dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. I had bruschetta and some tortellini with asparagus. It was delightful. I'm really going to miss the food when I come home.

I'm really tired right now. I think I may have suddenly adjusted to Paris time, because it feels really late - it's almost midnight. At least we're sleeping in tomorrow.

Tomorrow is our spiritual retreat day. We're all going to spend time alone with God. I'm looking forward to it. I hope and pray that I'll get some sense of direction and clarity about what all of this means and what direction my life should take when I get home. One of the things that I struggle with the most is trust. I would really like for God to show me the answers on my time schedule instead of His. I know that there are things that He's called me to do, and I know that I'm not ready to do those things right now, but I have a really hard time staying patient and trusting that He'll provide everything I need and that His time schedule is best. I know His plans are to "prosper me and not harm me; to give me hope and a future" (Jer 29:11), but it's so hard to wait. I do have hope - I have hope for many things. I know that one day I will stand face to face with God, ready to spend eternity with Him. I look forward to that day. I have hope that tomorrow can bring amazing things, and I have hope that God can use my life for His glory if I choose to let Him. I just feel unsettled right now, and I long for His peace.

And with that, I'm off to bed. Love and hugs from Paris!

Life in France

I'm so not adjusted to Paris time. It's nearly 11:00 and I'm nowhere near ready for bed. I guess it doesn't help that we stay up until at least 1:00 - usually later - playing on the internet and watching Flight of the Conchords on YouTube. (Seriously though, check that out. Foux De Fa Fa and Beautiful Girl are the best. We've had the Foux De Fa Fa song in our heads all day.) We've decided that staying up late eating bread and cheese (but not the Camambert that smells like feet) is the way to go. It's amazing how much energy and how little sleep we've had. Just my advice for those of you traveling overseas. Take it for what it's worth.

We had a really good day today. We started by having a long breakfast (three hours or so) and just talking and spending time together. It was great to have some good conversations and to process some of what's going on.

After breakfast we went to the Musee d'Orsay, which has a lot of the Impressionist work - Matisse, Monet, Van Gogh, etc.. I don't get really excited about art. It's cool and stuff, but it's just really not my thing. Even so, some of the paintings were quite impressive. I'm amazed at how they could paint those giant paintings. Enjoy some art - Monet, Degas, Matisse, and another Monet:

We went to dinner at Marie's apartment tonight. She made crepes - we had chicken and cheese for dinner and Nutella and banana for dessert. They were fabulous. Her apartment has a nice view of the Eiffel Tower - imagine waking up, looking out the window, and seeing the Eiffel Tower. How amazing would that be?! At night, it's lit with blue lights. For the first 10 minutes of each hour, it sparkles from top to bottom. It's the most awesome thing I've ever seen! I tried to take pictures but they didn't really turn out. Stacey got some great shots of that and of the sun setting over the city, so I'll try to steal some of hers at some point.

I'm sure I've already mentioned how beautiful the city is. It's really left a huge impression on me though. The French really value savoring the beauty of life. I wish there was a way to describe what it's like here. I know I'm not seeing the entire picture. I've only been here a week, and I've only seen a very small portion of the city. As a visitor, it's impossible to really understand what everyday life is really like. And yet, there are things that you see that do reflect life here. For example, meals are a presentation. It's not just about the quality of the food (although it's excellent), it's also about the appearance of the food and the atmosphere of the experience. For example, when we had dinner at La Fonderie on Monday, we offered to bring paper plates - a major convenience since we wouldn't have to do dishes. We'd eat on paper plates in a heartbeat at home. They wouldn't hear of the idea. Real meals are eaten on real plates. The French take pride in the appearance of everything.

On those same lines, the French people are far different from what I expected. The belief that a lot of people have in the States is that the French are rude American-haters. I've experienced the exact opposite. Sure, there are a few bad apples, but overall, the people are incredibly nice and are willing to help anyone. There's a guy who lives in our building who was coming in one day as we were headed out. He greeted us with a very friendly "Bonjour!" How often would that happen in the States? They're also patient with us when we try our very limited French and are willing to use the English that they know (which is generally quite a bit) to help us get what we need. It's funny - we'll be in a restaurant ordering a meal and will try to pronounce the French words, and the waiter will respond and answer any questions that we have in English. After we're all done, there's a chorus on "Merci!" from all eight of us. I have a feeling that they get a kick out of us using the five words that we know. They certainly seem to appreciate our efforts.

The pace of life seems to move a little slower here as well. Sure, people hurry from work to the Metro to home, but when they have down time, they seem to make the most of it. Maybe that's more of a perception than a reality, but at the same time, I haven't seen any "15 minutes or it's free" lunch menus. Life just seems good here.

And yet...something's not quite right. It's impossible to put into words; you'd have to experience it to really understand. The best way I can explain it is that it just feels heavy. I don't know if that makes sense or not. To be honest, it doesn't really seem all that clear to me. I know what's missing. I know enough about their history to understand why it's missing. I don't know how to bring it back. And I don't know how to explain this weight that I feel. I want to find the words to explain it because I want people at home to get a glimpse of what's really going on over here. Many people don't have a clue that most people here don't know God. They don't know who God is or that He wants so badly to have a relationship with all people. Since Europe was such a center of Christianity for so long, many people back home don't realize how much things have changed. It's hard to imagine living in a place with no hope. God has certainly not abandoned them, but He is quite the gentleman and won't force His way into a relationship that isn't desired. I know I'm ranting a little, and I don't know if this makes a lot of sense. I'm trying to process everything myself, and I have to admit that having this blog was a selfish decision because I need to write everything down so that I can process it.

We're getting up early tomorrow to go to Versailles...so I'm going to bed.

Play Day!

Today was our "off" day - we spent the day hanging out having fun and not doing ministry-type things. We went to the Eiffel Tower this morning. It was incredible! It's what everyone thinks of when they think of Paris - like the Statue of Liberty in New York - so it was surreal being there. We got there pretty early so we didn't have much of a wait. We all went up to the second floor - the view was remarkable. It was amazing how much we could see. I always laugh at how we all love to go up in high buildings to look at stuff on the ground. I just find it funny. But anyway, it felt like we could see forever. I was really amazed by the layout of the city. It's not a perfect square; the layout is really different. All of the buildings are white and pretty, and there are tons of trees around. It was also pretty cool to see how the old city and the new city were integrated. Most of the area is made up of old buildings, but there are pockets of modern skyscrapers every so often. It was neat to see how the old and the new came together.

Stacey, Maris, Dana and I decided we were brave enough to venture up to the very top. The journey from the second floor to the top felt really long and a little frightening because we were going so high so fast. It was awesome once we got up there though. It was so amazing - the view was just incredible. I can't really put it into words. It was one of those God moments when you realize how small your own little world is and how much else is out there.

We had lunch at this little cafe that was run by an Italian guy who loved Americans and apparently thought we were great fun. He made a few crepes with bananas and prayed before sacrificing the bananas. He was teasing us and playing games and was just a really fun guy. It was a really fun time, but the rule is that what happens in Paris stays in Paris. :)

Anyway, we spent a lot of time at the Eiffel Tower and got a little photo happy. We got bored with the traditional shots and went a little wild. Good times were had by all.

We saw the Arc de Triomphe, which was cool but we were kind of tired of looking at monuments, so we didn't spend a lot of time there. Instead, we went shopping at this massive mall and ate dinner at the cafe there. By the time dinner came around, we were all ready for a break and it was nice to sit down and eat. We apparently got our second wind because we went into the Metro station and found this great little shop that sold scarves for only five Euros, and most of us bought some and then modeled them.

It's been fun to have a break and just hang out with the girls. Tomorrow we're planning to go to the Musee d'Orsay, and then Marie invited us to her apartment for crepes.

That's all for tonight - I need to let the other girls use the computer. Au revoir!

It's Late; I'm Sleepy

We spent the morning at the Louvre. I'm not all that into art, but it was a pretty cool experience. We saw the Mona Lisa, Venus de Milo, several pieces from ancient Egypt...more stuff than I can even remember. Who'd have ever thought I'd have this opportunity??

We ate dinner with some friends from La Fonderie and had some really interesting conversations about ministry and their lives here. They're tired. There's so much work and so few people to do it. We take for granted the number of people who help with ministry stuff - it seems like there are always several people willing to pitch in and do what needs to get done. That's not the case here. If there's an event going on with either La Fonderie or Le Pave, they're responsible for it. As a result, they don't get a ton of down time. It seems pretty stressful.

Well, my brain has shut down for the night. Others need to use the computer and I need to do some processing, so that's all I have for today. I'll try to post something more substantial tomorrow. In the meantime, I do want to let everyone know how grateful I am for all of you. Without the love and support I have, this trip would never have been possible. Thank you especially to everyone who has been praying for all of us on this journey and for those in France - your prayers do make a difference! This has already been a life changing experience.

Blessings!